Every week we will be sharing little gems of positive advice.
Watch Roberta explaining a positive parenting advice in Video in Dutch (will be more soon in English!)
Helpful for adults who are involved in the upbringing and education of children. These little gems of positive advice will be posted in the form of written text and/or videos and we hope they will inspire and motivate you. If you have any questions regarding positive approaches to (aspects of) the upbringing and education of children, do not hesitate and feel free to contact us!
Roberta, the owner of Crème de la Crème, is an experienced coach in the field of the upbringing and education of children. For many years she has coached, supported and guided parents and their children in her own unique manner, providing tips and advice that were based on the things she herself has learned in her younger years thanks to the way her parents raised her (and her brother and sister).
Roberta’s parents did and do not believe in punishment interventions like sending the children out of the room or making them sit on the stairs as a way of punishment. What they did believe to be helpful were creative solutions which generated the desired results in a positive way. Especially Roberta’s father was very good at this approach and came up with all sorts of positive, constructive ways to make his children aware of the impact of their behaviour. From this, Roberta learned that a lot can be achieved with positivity and creativity, in a very valuable way. How?
Roberta grew up in a family of 5, with a father, a mother, a brother and a sister. Of course the 3 siblings did not always go along perfectly well and sometimes there were little ‘fights’, as happens between young siblings. And of course occasionally one sibling would push one of the others – as siblings sometimes do when they are having an argument. When Roberta’s father noticed or came to know that one of the children had been giving his or her sibling a push or a jolt, he made them sit down around the table. To the child who had been giving the push or the jolt he said: “Say sorry to your sister/brother and after having said sorry, say something nice to her/him as well.” That ‘something nice’ could be a compliment about for example the nice dress of the sister, or something like “I like what you’ve done with your hair” or “I like you”. The reason Roberta’s father made the children say not only “sorry” but also something nice (something positive) was that he understood that the word ‘sorry’ doesn’t really say or mean a lot to a child and therefor does not have a lot of impact on a child. It doesn’t impress children so much. But sweet, nice, kind things being voiced DO have a lot of impact on children! And when there is impact, awareness arises. By approaching things this way, Roberta’s father made sure that the sitting down around the table and the saying “sorry” had much more impact on the children and generated more awareness about their behaviour. He chose a positive and constructive approach where the children also had to say something nice to one another, and it worked very well and resulted in something beautiful and positive, without the parent having to get angry!
Roberta has applied this approach - which she learned from her father - quite frequently when she herself was working with children and the reactions of the children to this approach are very positive, always! A beautiful ‘extra’ of this approach is that children tend to adopt it quite quickly and then start to remind one another that after the ‘sorry’ something nice or kind has to be said as well! To this very day Roberta still receives feedback from parents whose children she has worked with in the past, informing her that the children say things like Ro says you also have to say something nice after sorry” and “Say something nice to me!”